Ordinary Pregnant Women

Last night I was having a lot of back pain and heartburn and what not. Just generally feeling crummy... And I was struck by how different things are than with an ordinary pregnancy. In the past, when I have felt icky while being pregnant some sort of motherly instict kicks in and the idea that I need to take it easy and rest becomes primary...

But now, I feel pain and wonder "Is this the begining of the end of my time with Eden?" and I think how that would be sad but that I knew this was a possibility...and then I wonder "Do I sit and rest, or do I go on as normal and let things happen?"

As it is yesterday was just the culmination of a few long weeks and a very long and exhausting weekend, Eden is still wiggling, rolling, and kicking. I am still very much pregnant.

I have had a rough week emotionally, I mean I've been okay, but I've worried more about the what-ifs than in the weeks preceding. I was asked if I felt I knew she would really be okay and I am starting to feel a little shakey about if she will or not... it's hard to carry around this hope and faith in her healing everyday. I want so baddly to stand firmly in the knowledge that she is being knit together even now... but some days it's the best I can do to sit weakly.