Sunday, October 13, 2013

Too many goodbyes

Today the weather is very much like that overcast October day 6 years ago. There is also the same sense of fear...yet it is not tinged with miraculous hope today.

Today I am sitting in my parents home, missing my mother who left us not quite four months ago, watching my daddy struggle for each breath as his body shuts dow and his soul prepares to leave this earth.

I generally try to keep this day as a celebration, as the day my baby girl was born. The 14th of October I hold as sacred because it was the day my daughter lived... from midnight to midnight, she lived the entire day...on Tuesday I will mourn once again as the day she left my arms for an eternity with My Heavenly Father. On the thirteenth I reach back and try to connect with the hope of the day she was born.

Today that feels impossible. Today there is eternal hope for my daddy, but there is no earthly hope. I am mourning though he is still here...because his spirit feels gone.

Today I am struggling with God's timing, and the crushing pain of the loss of my baby, my mommy, and now my dad.

Today feels incredibly big and I feel incredibly small.

Yet still, somewhere deep I know God is here. That I am not abandoned and that He is still measuring my tears.