Saturday, March 15, 2008

Simple words

I want to be profound here today. I want to write words that will move you to your very core...that will gird up the faith of the faithful and turn the unbeliever to Jesus.

I want to chronicle the vast changes in myself, my husband, my family, my friends, and even my church that have come about in the journey of carrying and losing my beautiful daughter.

I want to pour out my very soul, wrapped in the love and protection of my perfect savior...

But really, I am just here to sit and remember. To let the tears flow in this place while I try to recapture what it was to love her in person. To hold her tiny and imperfect body in my arms for 36 short hours. To kiss her cheek and watch her slip into the arms of Jesus. to be so fully enveloped by the supernatural that the tragedies of the natural world seemed a million miles away even as they unfolded inches from my face.

I am a little hurt that there are people who think it's time for me to move on, and eternally grateful for those who remember with me. Who are still moved and hurting for me. Who don't expect or hope for this to ever "go away".

How beautiful and wonderful it will be to see my little one again someday... To have the immeasurable joy of seeing not only the savior of my very soul, but seeing Him holding my sweet girl. To be reunited with one I knew so briefly but loved so fully.

I miss my daughter and can't imagine that it's only been 5 months that I have carried the ache that longs to hold her again...

7 comments:

staceelianna said...

i check your blog everyday... even though i know the posts are few and far between now. and i always want to comment but im often scared i'll say something inappropriate. so, i wasnt planning on commenting... but then i read your myspace comment to me and it brought tears to my eyes.

i wish i could have met her.

Dawn Bruce said...

Alexis, I remember with you, and think about you and Beautiful Eden often. Life keeps us busy and often we forget to let ppl know that we still are here! Again your faith has moved me. I know that when that day comes when you can see both Our Savior and that Beautiful angel, your heart will be complete. I also look forward to that day, knowing that my Abigayle's body will also be complete. Our God is Unmeasurably Awesome. Love Dawn

Cassi said...

You know where I carry her picture ... and where I carry her memory... I will always cherish the awesome opportunity I had to hold her and love her...

hisgirldee said...

you know, when we get to see Eden again, you have to promise me to let me hold her...

everytime you mention her my heart hurts... i am with you Alexis, to stand beside you always.

I love you, I love your family, and I love Eden.

Debbie said...

Found your blog at IOW. I don't have the fortitude to read it all today, but I read the first post and the latest and am just so moved. Your faith is amazing, your spirit shines through your pain. Your family will be in my prayers.

Anonymous said...

Alexis,
I wasn't aware of this until I was able to read your blog this past weekend. Your journey has been so amazing. What an awesome God we serve!! I grieve for you and for your loss, and praise God with you for those hours that you had with Eden and that wonderful and special moment when you were able to hand her over to our Lord and Savior - knowing that she is now worshipping God in Heaven where we all long to be!!

Your faith in and love for Christ is an amazing example!! Thank you for being so transparent. Know that you and your family are in my prayers. Please let me know if there is anything at all that I can do!!

Lovingly in Christ,

Trina

Anonymous said...

Alexis,
I wasn't aware of this until I was able to read your blog this past weekend. Your journey has been so amazing. What an awesome God we serve!! I grieve for you and for your loss, and praise God with you for those hours that you had with Eden and that wonderful and special moment when you were able to hand her over to our Lord and Savior - knowing that she is now worshipping God in Heaven where we all long to be!!

Your faith in and love for Christ is an amazing example!! Thank you for being so transparent. Know that you and your family are in my prayers. Please let me know if there is anything at all that I can do!!

Lovingly in Christ,

Trina