Thursday, January 27, 2011

Dear Eden,

Yesterday your baby sister smiled at me. It was the sweetest, crooked smile. The kind that they like to draw in cartoons. I smiled right back and then I was just the littlest bit sad...she smiles like you did.

You smiled, and I know those smiles were involuntary but what a blessing that they came more frequently in your final hours. That you smiled at your big sister and she will always hold that in her heart.

I still miss you. There is still someone missing in our home, but the soul crushing ache seems to be a bit less when I hold the baby sister who never got a chance to know you.

She also has the same little puffy spots just under her eyes. You two are the only ones who have that. It's very special. I love to see that she looks a little like you, in a special way.

I always tell people she is my 5th baby. You are still the fourth baby and you have not been forgotten or replaced in our hearts or minds.

I still miss you so much, I wish I could hold you again. I wish you were running around, making messes and creating chaos with the others. I can scarcely imagine what you and Jack would do together. We all miss out by having had to say good-bye so soon.

Good night sweet baby. I miss you so much,


Stacee Lianna said...

this made me cry. the way you write always has the ability to make me cry. <3 but the thought of Eden and Jack running around together resounded in my heart. i wish i had had the chance to meet Eden, to hold her in the hospital the way i held Zoe. to see her smiles and her personality i've heard so many stories about. maybe that's why i cry[ed] so much when Zoe was born, because something was missing, her sister, that neither of us had the privilege to meet.

i love you always.

jennie said...

I cried too. :*)

Love you to all