Saturday, October 06, 2007

The final leg

It has been nearly impossible to find a free and semi quiet moment in which to update my blog in the last week.

First there was the weekend following my last post that passed in kind of a haze. It was a weekend that just ached. My husband and I were once again living with the raw emotions that flood the parents of a child you are told can not live. Seeing, again, the ultrasound image of my sweet baby, so perfect in every way but one, was heartbreaking. I, once again, had to work out my faith with fear and trembling. Somehow, asking God to make Eden whole over the course of 4 months seemed so much more attainable... but knowing He was down to two weeks was suddenly overwhelming.

Once again, my spirit was reminded that God's timing is perfect. He is never early nor is He ever late. I was reminded that I had the distinct impression in those first weeks that there would be no evidence of healing until Eden was born. And just a few weeks back the notion had come that even if she is not born whole, healing is still possible.

I do not see every thread in the amazing tapestry of God's perfect plan. I can only see one small part. I do not know how He intends to work this for His glory and my good, but I know His word is clear that He holds those two goals. That Eden is not a surprise. That my pain is not an unfortunate byproduct. I know that God has a perfect plan...

After all of this I was called in for another appointment with my new doctors. And, very surprisingly another ultrasound. Again, the screen showed the picture of a mostly perfect form. A wiggly and wonderfully made, yet lacking a brain.

This ultrasound did not break my heart, I saw, again, an opportunity for God to move. For Him to heal. And for His glory to be revealed.

At this moment I am only one week from seeing God's answer. I am just seven short days from seeing, what I believe will be, the miraculous.

My past birth history makes a natural birth a little risky, and while that had been my hope for this pregnancy, a third cesarean has been scheduled for Saturday, October 13th... at 2:30pm. Should labor begin on it's own before then I will still have a chance for a natural birth.

I thank you all who continue to pray for us, your prayers are desperately needed an greatly loved at this point in the race. I pray God will pour out His blessings to each and everyone of you as well.

4 comments:

La familia Sobaje said...

I am prayinh!

dawn said...

I am their with you Alexis, you and the hubby and the kids. I am gunna have a prayer vigule at 4:30pm my time, which is when the big event takes place. If you could see the miracles that have been prayed for by this group. you would be jumpin for joy. Just remember we will be their lifting you as you take that last leep. I love you Always. Dawn

And on a old woman note, I still remember our song. Bon Jovi Never say good bye. My kids think i;m funny when i tell the story of the drawing you did for me about us and that song when i left Torrance. Haha, Just thought i would make you smile. luv ya dawn

nicole said...

love you!

Heather said...

I lost my son a few weeks ago, you can read his whole story at his carepage(cp name: aidenscottlane) if you want, and my email is on that site too if you find yourself needing or wanting to talk to someone who just went through it...