Monday, June 18, 2007

Ordinary Pregnant Women

Last night I was having a lot of back pain and heartburn and what not. Just generally feeling crummy... And I was struck by how different things are than with an ordinary pregnancy. In the past, when I have felt icky while being pregnant some sort of motherly instict kicks in and the idea that I need to take it easy and rest becomes primary...

But now, I feel pain and wonder "Is this the begining of the end of my time with Eden?" and I think how that would be sad but that I knew this was a possibility...and then I wonder "Do I sit and rest, or do I go on as normal and let things happen?"

As it is yesterday was just the culmination of a few long weeks and a very long and exhausting weekend, Eden is still wiggling, rolling, and kicking. I am still very much pregnant.

I have had a rough week emotionally, I mean I've been okay, but I've worried more about the what-ifs than in the weeks preceding. I was asked if I felt I knew she would really be okay and I am starting to feel a little shakey about if she will or not... it's hard to carry around this hope and faith in her healing everyday. I want so baddly to stand firmly in the knowledge that she is being knit together even now... but some days it's the best I can do to sit weakly.


Anonymous said...

I can only be a woman on the sidelines of your life right now praying constantly and sincerely that your strength physically, emotionally and spiritually will come from a great and wonderful God that loves you.

Anonymous said...

Alexis, You are not alone in carring the hope that precious baby Eden will be ok. Everytime you feel the weight of the emotions remember that we all are here to carry them with you. My faith is yours to lean on to.

"Then Jesus said to the disciples, "Have faith in God. I assure you that you can say to this mountian, May God lift you up ant throw you into the sea, and your commands will be obeyed. All that's required is that you really believe and do not doubt in your heart. Listen to me! You can pray for anything, and if you believe, you will have it.
Mark 11: 22-24 Love Dawn